Reminisces
by FondyCheesehead
Summary: A post-HKT/future fic. Karigan lives a life she never would have expected. Now she and those she loves tell the story of how it happened.
1. Chapter 1

A small thicket rustled with sudden activity as a doe escaped from her hunter and leapt past Stevic

_A/N: A post-HKT with a twist. This takes place about twenty years after HKT and touches on a possible course of events for the books while taking a peak into a happily ever after. It may not be what some expect, but I think it's interesting. _

_SSSSSSflashback start and end_

**Reminisces Chapter 1: **

A small thicket rustled with sudden activity as a doe escaped from her hunter and leapt past Stevic. "You shot too soon Zavier."

"I know Grandfather. I guess the table will have to go without venison tonight," Zavier answered with a resigned sigh. "Can we go home now?"

Stevic had to laugh at the plaintive tone of voice coming from his usually stoic grandson. The conditions of the morning had quickly become miserable after they set off in pursuit of game. Already chill, a steady rainfall began as they settled in to wait for their query, which were not showing one hair of themselves in such weather. Moisture quickly seeped between the layers of their clothing and made them shiver. It was, in short, not the male bonding experience Stevic had been hoping for when he arranged the outing.

"Yes, yes, we can go home. I imagine my sisters will have tea and lunch waiting for us when we get home." Zavier sneezed impressively, "They'll have something for that too, I bet." Zavier only grimaced at the thought of the herbal concoctions his great-aunts could force down his throat.

They mounted their horses and headed towards the G'ladheon manse. It was a sprawling structure that included a family wing, a guest wing, a great hall, the ample servant quarters, and large stables. Stevic G'ladheon bought it and added space with a grand legacy in mind.

As newlyweds he and Kariny dreamed of a large family under foot and bouncing grandchildren on their knees. Years progressed, wealth was built but they began to lose hope in their dreams of family. Kariny miscarried five times and a son died within hours of his birth. When Kariny told him that she was pregnant _again,_ he sobbed. He was terrified for his lovely wife. Her life had already been put in danger because of the miscarriages, and as strong as she was, he didn't think she could lose another baby. Each time he had to be the strong one for her to lean on as she fell apart in grief. Every time she came out of it she was just a little quieter and a little more withdrawn. He tried to prevent the pregnancies, but the most effective means were a woman's responsibility, and she refused. She wanted to be a mother more than anything, and in truth, he could never deny his Kariny anything.

The months of pregnancy passed. Kariny went through all the difficulties of pregnancy that he had become far too familiar with. He tried to be detached from the child growing in his wife, and Kariny hated him for it. When Kariny passed her sixth month, he began to hope just a little. Then the time came for the birth.

Kariny went into labor quietly on a summer evening just before they settled into bed for the night. She labored for twenty hours with little progress. When the midwife shooed him out, he sat in his modest library with a fine whisky and thought of all the worst possibilities. The midwife would pop in to inform him of the progress, but her expression became grimmer as dawn came for the second time since the labor started.

Finally, he heard the wail of an infant over his wife's moans. Stevic waited in agony until the midwife called him into the birthing room nearly a half hour later. And there was his beautiful, glowing, exhausted wife holding a red-faced bundle.

"I thought we should name her Karigan. What do you think?" Were her first words to him as she looked up and beamed the brightest smile he had ever seen—and she could light up a room most days. He found he had no voice when he tried to answer. Instead, he looked into the bright eyes of the little bundle and felt himself lost forever. By the blessings of the gods, little Karigan was completely healthy.

In the years to come, they doted on their little girl. When Kariny died of fever, carrying another child with her, he saw his daughter as even more of a gift. In hindsight Stevic realized that the only reason Karigan wasn't a spoiled brat in her adult life was the influence of his sisters, and to a certain extent, her service in the Green Riders. His greatest shock as a father was when he discovered his little girl in the middle of coup. When she insisted on joining the Green Riders a year later, he knew that she was a grown woman capable of her own decisions.

xxxxxx

"Zavier, Father, you're back," Karigan greeted the two men as they trudged into the kitchen of the G'ladheon home. They were quickly bundled in thick towels and given steaming cups of tea by Aunt Stace and Aunt Brini. No one mentioned the lack of game from the hunting trip, although two Aunts were not present.

Stevic watched his daughter as she teased her son about his drowned rat status. It was hard for him to grasp that the boy had turned nineteen during this visit. Time was beginning to slip away from him faster than he ever imagined it would. Even the youngest grandchild was chattering away and squirming to run as she sat in her mother's lap, and yet he could remember receiving the news of her birth via Green Rider so clearly. Although he could remember receiving the news of Zavier's impending arrival with even more vividness.

_SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS_

"Karigan, what are you doing home?" Stevic G'ladheon exclaimed. Upon seeing the wane expression on his daughter's face, he added, "Not that I am not happy to see you any time. Did something happen?"

"I asked for some leave time," was Karigan's only answer before asking to excuse her self to take a hot bath. Stevic watched with concern as his daughter walked up the stairs. Every fatherly instinct told him that something was seriously wrong. Five hells, he didn't need any instinct to tell him something was wrong. His daughter had just left her swordsmaster and officer training to ride through the tempestuous weather of early spring so she could show up on the doorstep of her childhood home with no notice and no explanation. As much as he wished she would return to Corsa and settle down, he knew when she accepted officer training that she would not be returning to the life he wanted her to lead. She had chosen her own life.

At dinner Karigan was silent and withdrawn. She pushed around the food on her plate and left abruptly halfway through. When the table was clear, Stevic assured his sisters that he would find out what was wrong before the night was through. He found his daughter in the sitting room before a crackling fire.

"I know there is something you need to tell me—if only for your own peace of mind."

Karigan pressed her lips tightly before taking a deep breath and confessing what troubled her in a smaller voice than he had ever heard from her. "I'm pregnant."

Stevic collapsed into the overstuffed arm chair in shock. _Pregnant!_ He knew the more conservative frowned on a young woman being in uniform, but he had always felt that they were overly critical. He trusted his daughter to act as she had been raised. "Who's the father?" he finally choked out.

Resolve formed in Karigan's expression before she answered, "It doesn't matter. The father won't be part of the baby's life."

"Kari, do you have any idea what it means to have a fatherless baby? Who is the father? I will hold him responsible for this child and what ever he did to lure you into such…such lascivious behavior." Stevic was beginning to see red as he thought about some shiftless man taking advantage of his daughter.

"Lascivious behavior?" Karigan stood and stared him straight in the eyes, "you mean like what you do at the Golden Rudder?"

Stevic was thunderstruck. "How do you--"

"I was forced to stay overnight at the Golden Rudder after jumping in an icy river. Imagine my surprise when they gave me a gratuitous stay because of my father's kind patronage!"

"Why would you jump in an icy river?" Stevic asked.

"Don't change the subject. I felt humiliated. The man I idolized participates in an activity that degrades women who have no one to protect them and no way to defend themselves. How can you, who have raised a daughter to be strong and honorable, do such a thing? And now you accuse _me_ of being lured into lascivious behavior. I will not be dictated to by a hypocrite."

Stevic guiltily assimilated his daughter's censure. He recognized there was truth in what she was saying, but he would not be lectured to at a time like this. "Wait just one moment. This is not about my behavior. You are the one who is pregnant and refuses to name the father. You would rather bring shame upon the clan."

Karigan looked as though she had been struck. In a much calmer voice she told him, "I had hoped that you would help me, but I can do this alone too."

"You think you can do this alone?"

"Yes, I have an estate and soon an income from it. What more do I need? All I ask, all I hope is that I don't _have _to do it alone." Despite his anger, Stevic began to see the steel and the misery in his daughter's eyes. If he was not a supportive father at this moment, he would lose her forever. She would never trust in him again.

"Okay, I don't like it, but okay," Stevic told her. Relief flooded Karigan's face and the two of them sat in companionable silence, alone with their own thoughts for the rest of the evening.

_SSSSSSSSSS_

"Are you packed yet?" Karigan asked her second child. Stevic realized that he was lost in memories yet again today.

"Yes Mother, I just finished," Kally answered as she dished out a bowl of stew for herself.

"Everything fit?" Zavier asked in teasing amazement, "What magic did you use?"

Kally glared at her brother in a way only a sixteen year old can manage. Karigan and Stevic smirked at each other across the table. Kally was everything Karigan's aunts wanted in Karigan so many years ago. It was a mystery of inheritance, but Kally was happy to wear elaborate dresses and serve tea for an afternoon. As might be expected she was leaving Corsa with a much fuller trunk than she arrived with thanks to several shopping expeditions.

Karigan accepted her daughter's more frivolous tendencies in stride because she had seen enough to know that her daughter's fluffy exterior overlaid a core of solid steel. Karigan's only hope was that time would give Kally better judgment when it came to picking her fights. Karigan (and the Weapons) was getting tired of coming to the rescue when Kally decided to stand up to a bully who was much more skilled with fists, or a dagger.

"So, you are really leaving tomorrow?" Stevic asked.

"We're expected back by the end of the month," Karigan answered, "and we won't be traveling quickly."

"Don't worry, I'll be back Grandpa," little Talia piped in.

Stevic reached down to where she was standing next to his chair and gave her a tickle. Talia wiggled away with a laughing shriek. She was the youngest of five children and just three years old. It was natural that she loved being the center of attention.

Kally and Talia's presence reminded Stevic that he had yet to see two grandchildren. Ayden and Laurel were eleven and ten respectively. In all likelihood they were in the stables with the new foals. He was pretty sure one of the barn cats had birthed a litter in the past week too.

It was after the birth of Laurel that Stevic began to accept that his daughter was living a very unconventional life. She maintained her rank and duties within the Green Riders _and _was the acknowledged lover of Sacoridia's "Bachelor King." Stevic and his sisters had many bitter fights with Karigan and the king where they condemned the couple's perceived sins. However, after Laurel's birth Stevic realized that his daughter was happy and for reasons he had yet to understand, the Sacoridian people were accepting of the situation.

With the mended relationship he now could looked forward to seeing his daughter and his grandchildren at least once a year. His pseudo-son-in-law often accompanied the children, but this year royal duties kept him away. Secretly Stevic was glad of it. He could accept that Karigan and Zachary loved each other, but seeing the two of them together without the blessing of the gods disturbed him. Now that the visit was coming to a close and he would have to say good-bye for another year. Best to leave old memories behind and enjoy the company he had now.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Reminisces Chapter 2:**

Karigan hugged her father tightly as the final bag of supplies was loaded onto the carriage that would carry her three youngest. "Good bye Father. Be sure to write frequently."

"Of course I'll write. I always do. Have a safe journey," Stevic replied.

"I will," Karigan answered before turning to her children, "Everyone ready?"

"Yes," was the chorused response. Karigan gave a final check to the girth strap of Kally's saddle before mounting her own grey gelding. Condor had been retired to the Rider pastures when Karigan became pregnant with Ayden. He currently took his babysitting of young horses very seriously.

Karigan gave a final wave to her family as the small convoy started forward. Karigan, Zavier and Kally were on horseback. The younger children were in a simple carriage driven by Fastion dressed in servant's clothes. There were also four more Weapons on horseback, which formed a small guard centered on the children. To avoid notice, the Weapons were dressed in traveler's clothes instead of the traditional black and their black banded swords stowed in discreet saddle sheaths. They were still a little conspicuous simply because of the size and composition of their group, but they never gained enough notice to put them in danger on the major roads.

Many would have preferred a larger guard, but Zachary agreed with Karigan when she said that a large guard would not pass unnoticed. The Weapons were often critical of the small guard, but in the end they trusted their sister-in-arms to protect her self and her children. Karigan's only complaint was that the same arguments were made every year. Just once she would like to pack up without the debate before they took the same guard as they did the year before.

When the sun was directly overhead, the group stopped for the lunch that was packed for them. Two Weapons stayed on guard as fresh bread with apple butter and some cold roast chicken was shared among the group. Zavier ate his fill quickly and stretched his lanky body out beneath an oak tree and closed his eyes. Kally, Ayden, and Laurel took more time for their meal and shared pieces of apple with the tied horses. Talia, however, only nibbled at the bread before curling up in her mother's lap for a nap. Karigan combed her fingers through the fine blond hair of her baby and hoped that they would make good time. Talia was still very young and felt the stress of traveling more than the others.

As Karigan watched her children she felt the absence of Zachary keenly. It had been a month since she had felt his arms around her or felt his kiss before falling asleep or had his support when Ayden pulled some stunt. _Fishing in the neighbor's ornamental pond was certainly something new, _Karigan thought as she eyed the ascending brown head of her son. He reached the middle branches of a maple tree that still had its vivid red leaves and started taunting his sister to join him. A Weapon moved to be in position to catch him if needed, but both children were agile enough that Karigan didn't worry too much. Instead she let her thoughts wonder into the past.

_SSSSSSSSS (start flashback)_

A little more than a week after the king's engagement was broken; Karigan was called to attend the king in his study. When she arrived she found a grim Captain Mapstone and a tense King Zachary. In a few incredulous sentences, she learned about the withheld letters from the captain. Before Karigan could consider how to react, Zachary dismissed the captain. He gently told Karigan all the feelings that he had expressed in those letters and told her that he was till in love with her. Sensing that she was getting overwhelmed, he told her that they would discuss it at another time.

Now Karigan tossed and turned on her narrow bed in barracks. Her heart rejoiced that she still had such a man's love, but she also remembered the scene from the world in between. Was it the future or her fears? Exasperated, Karigan dressed in trousers, loose tunic and soft slippers. She peered into the hallway and found it empty. It was past two bells and the castle was unlikely to note her passing in its slumber.

After a half hour of wandering, she had passed the king's former study for the third time. Considering where her thoughts centered it was not surprising that she found herself outside a room that was meant to be a queen's solarium but had spent years as a king's study. A study where Karigan could remember glimpsing the essence of the man she loved. He was a man who preferred to surround himself in light and comfort, but also a man who ruled a country with a strong hand.

To accept such a man would mean filling his need for someone to support him and be his partner. She wouldn't lie to herself by saying she didn't wish for such a marriage. She desired him, wanted him as friend, lover, partner, and husband. Her only doubt was whether she wanted him as a king. It was as much a part of him as anything else, but to marry a king was to become a queen. Karigan did not doubt her abilities to maneuver around plotting aristocrats. They were no different than plotting merchants, after all. Instead she wondered if she could accept a life within stone walls. Zachary rarely left the castle because of his duties and traveling was difficult when a column of guards was required.

Could she even face Mornhavon as queen? In her core she knew that she would have to be the one to banish his spirit. It was something she might not be able to do surrounded by Weapons or even pregnant with Sacoridia's heir.

A soft touch to Karigan's shoulder startled her from her musings. Zachary was crouched next to her where she sat against the wall, Weapons at a discreet distance. He gently placed the back of his fingers against her cheek. "You're ice cold Karigan," he told her, "Come on, let's get you somewhere more comfortable." He helped her up and led her into the closed up solarium. It was icy cold and dark because it hadn't been used since Zachary had cleared out his desk and personal belongings.

Estora never started decorating the space after she returned from her kidnapping. She confessed to Karigan that having her own space made the engagement seem too final. Such thoughts and doubts eventually motivated Estora to rebel against Lord Coutre's wishes. It was a short, but not easy process that left her a free woman and Zachary a free man.

After the engagement ended Zachary said the room would stay unused until there was a queen to fill it. Gossips took this to mean he already had someone in mind to fill Lady Estora's place. Speculation was rampant. Karigan knew there was some truth to it, but she didn't think anyone would like his choice.

"Sit over here. It will warm up presently." Zachary steered her to a couch in front of a modest fireplace where he had set two large logs ablaze. Karigan gathered herself up on the seat cushion and watched him take a seat next to her while seeming to stare into the flames. "Have you been thinking about what I said?" He asked her.

"Yes," Karigan answered. "But, no matter what our feelings are, it doesn't change anything. If you fight for me, it could send Sacoridia into civil war. I can't let you take that risk, and I know you would not want to take that risk if you thought it out a little more."

Zachary placed his fingers under her chin and made her face him. "You accuse me of not thinking through this? I appreciate your worries, but do you really think I haven't considered the possible oppositions?" He paused as he moved closer to her and took her hands into his. "I love you. I believe whole heartily that you would be a great queen. I will fight for you to be my wife and the mother of my children." He lowered his voice and added, almost playfully, "And do not underestimate your worth Karigan. You have a few friends among the nobility, a brave reputation and as daughter of clan G'ladheon, enough wealth to make the reluctant take notice. I am sure there will even be some in the guilds who will be ecstatic at the possibility of you on the throne."

"Perhaps you're right, but I still think you are being a romantic fool."

"Karigan, I love my country. I would never make a decision that I thought could destroy it. Will you trust me in _this_ decision? Will you marry me and be my queen?"

Karigan turned to look back into the flames. Her heart and her soul pushed her to accept him. Told her it was _right_. Unfortunately, there was more at stake than her heart. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and licked dry lips. "Only under the condition that we announce it to the Lord-Governors first, privately. If they can't be brought around to it, then we just…forget about it."

"Forget? Karigan—"

"Those are my conditions." She interrupted. Turning back to face him she continued, "I won't let them create a rebellion over me."

Zachary nodded, "Okay, I can accept that." He placed his hand against Karigan's cheek and stroked the pad of his thumb across a high cheek bone. She turned into his hand and placed a soft kiss on the palm of his hand. He leaned forward and kissed her. At first it was a bare brush of lips, and then he kissed her again lingering just a little. When he kissed her a third time, Karigan relaxed into his warm embrace. His hands started to slowly stroke her shoulders. She began to be very aware of the thin linen of the under tunic she was dressed in and that the king was dressed similarly under his long coat. Her hands began to stray beneath the coat over a broad chest. Zachary gasped at the feeling of her hands on him, and he deepened the kiss. As his hands became bolder, he gently lay Karigan down beneath him on the couch.

Karigan was dimly aware of how quickly events were progressing, but as Zachary's mouth created a heated trail down her neck, she found that she didn't care. This was the man she loved, the man she fantasized about, the man who loved her. In those moments she believed that everything would be just as they hoped. As a result when she felt his hands at the waist of her trousers, she made the decision to give herself to this man at this moment.

When their breathing returned to normal, they held each other before the fire. Zachary murmured soft words of love into her hair. Karigan, for the first time, told him all of her feelings while she was cuddled against his still heated body. It wasn't long before they drifted into sated slumber.

About an hour later Karigan gradually returned to conscious. The fire had burned down but still produced plenty of heat. Distantly, she heard the castle bells sounding the fifth hour. Zachary was the picture of peaceful repose as he provided a softly snoring pillow. For the first moments of wakefulness, she felt surrounded in warmth and contentment. She examined Zachary's face as he slept. He looked younger. He looked like the carving on his sarcophagus, and the thought startled her. Visions of Zachary's death, of war and horror flitted through her mind with complete ease. _What have I done? None of the nobles will be behind Zachary if he chooses me. He'll only anger them for even suggesting marriage to a commoner._

Filled with her fears, Karigan dressed quickly. As she dressed Zachary became aware of the missing weight of Karigan's body. Even in his groggy state he could read the panicked look on her face. With a sleep thickened voice he asked, "What's wrong?"

"This was a mistake. It won't work." Before he could say anything in response she hurried out of the solarium and didn't look back. Karigan didn't stop until she reached the Rider wing. Knowing he wouldn't leave things as they now stood, she gathered her things for a message run. There were several long distance messages meant to go out with the dawn, and she planned to be gone with them. Disrupting the Rider assignments, leaving without orders, leaving her officer training; it was all grounds for court martial. And Drent—he would probably skin her alive. Nonetheless, she knew she needed to be away from the castle. As long as she was near Zachary, there was the possibility of forgetting her duty and making the wrong decision again.

She would make the runs and assuming no one dragged her back forcibly, she would explain it to the captain later. Considering how the captain handled the king's love letters, Karigan figured she would be sympathetic. Perhaps she would give her a long term assignment, far away, until Zachary found a proper bride.

As she saddled Condor, Karigan appreciated the irony. Hours ago she was furious with Captain Mapstone. Furious that she would dare to interfere, to doubt their judgment, but now Karigan felt like it was the right decision.

With the moon low in the sky, she trotted Condor away from the castle grounds. A part of her whispered that she was being a coward. She ignored it. She was confident that it was better to separate her self from Zachary so that they could both come to terms with reality without interference from the other.

_SSSSSSSSSS(end flashback)_

Two decades wiser, Karigan had to shake her head at her younger self. It was a night of tempestuous decisions for her, and she was not proud of how she reacted to the consequences. Her consolation was that the gods had smiled on her in the end.

Karigan peeked through the flap of the tent where her children were sleeping. "They fell asleep as soon as they lay down on their bedrolls," Fastion commented from behind her.

"It doesn't surprise me. Where is Zavier though?"

"Stargazing."

"Really? I'll go get him. I don't care how many birthdays he has, he can still have a bedtime." Karigan found her son lying in a small clearing away from the fire. "It's late."

"You're still up," was Zavier's quick response. He didn't move from his position, or even turn to look at his mother.

"Don't sass. We have a long day tomorrow and you'll feel today's riding."

"I napped, and it takes a lot of riding before I feel it."

Karigan sat next to his head. "What's on your mind?"

"Who said there is anything on my mind?"

"You _are_ stargazing. In your father's case it usually means there is something weighing on him."

"But I am not my father."

"No," Karigan was a little taken aback. Zavier was his father's son. Zachary was thrilled to be a father from the first and was nearly inseparable from his son. As a consequence, Zavier idolized him and strove to emulate him. "How about you stop being impertinent and tell me what is wrong? You know I won't walk away until I know."

Zavier heaved a sigh and gave in. His mother probably had some advice anyway. "This feels foolish to say, but it's about Lady Audrey L'Petrie. Don't, get that look off you're face!"

Karigan was holding back a grin and tried to act innocent. She had noticed the two flirting together in the corner of the Lord-Governor's ballroom the week before. The G'ladheon mansion was also close enough to the capital seat of the province that Karigan was pretty sure she knew where he had sneaked off to the few afternoons when she couldn't find him. "Well, dear I don't think you have to worry about her affections."

Zavier sat up and blushed red to the roots of his amber hair. "I'm not worried about that," he mumbled.

"Oh, then what are you worried about?"

Zavier looked away. "Lord L'Petrie. He's rather conservative and doesn't really approve of me."

"I find that hard to believe. Most of the nobles have been parading their daughters in front of you since the first peach fuzz appeared on your lip."

"Well believe it. He's one of the few fathers who cares more that I am the bastard son of the king than that I am his heir." Karigan didn't have an answer to that. At some point most nobles gave up trying to convince Zachary to marry so he could have a legitimate heir. He would just tell them that he already had children and the law did not say that they couldn't rule. Still there were those who thought it wasn't good enough. It was mostly those who didn't have a chance of marrying into the royal family through one of Zachary's children.

"The only way you can change his mind is to give it time. You're both very young and certainly have the time to wait."

"Not the answer I was looking for."

"The only one I have though. I also suggest you get some sleep, but if you prefer to pine away under the stars then enjoy. I am going to bed." Karigan left her son to his own devices for her small tent. Before she slipped off to slumber she remembered when she was pregnant and worried about his acceptance in the future. She silently prayed that those fears wouldn't come true after all.

_SSSSSSSSS(start flashback)_

A brilliant full moon backlit the bare branches of hickory trees, bathing the small clearing where Karigan was camped in silver white light. It was hauntingly beautiful, but for Karigan it was a grim reminder that her moon's blood was not coming. She had now bypassed one cycle completely and was late for a second. Groaning into her bedroll, she pondered her choices. A baby meant that she couldn't return to the castle and pretend her night with the king did not happen. Zachary would certainly have something to say about becoming a father and so would any of the gossips who found out.

No, she would not let her child be forever known as the king's bastard. This child would not watch a sibling be loved as future monarch while he or she was ostracized for having the same father. The only way to make that happen was to make sure the gossips never knew. With sudden resolve, Karigan came to a decision. Three days later she put her plan into motion.

"Are you sure about this Karigan?" Captain Mapstone asked. It was not the first time a Rider had come to her with this particular news, but it was the first time that the captain was asked not to inform anyone, not even the king, about an extended pregnancy leave. Karigan would not give her the name of the father, but the captain certainly had her suspicions.

"I am completely sure."

"I won't lie to the king, but for your sake I won't mention that you are on leave or why. However, if he asks me directly I will have to tell him." Karigan nodded and stood to take her leave. She would gather her things and prepare to be gone for at least a year and probably more. She would go home to Corsa and face her family. She would give birth to her child and hope that he could live in blissful anonymity where his clan's wealth might forgive his questionable origin.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Have they been spotted yet?"

"No, my lady."

Estora sighed, "Thank you." She closed the door and walked back to the couch where her husband sat.

"You have to stop asking the guards that every ten minutes. It won't make them be here any sooner." Xandis told his wife softly.

"I know. I _know_, but it doesn't change that Karigan needs to be here."

"We can only pray for godspeed, my dear." Estora nodded and leaned against a strong shoulder. Xandis wrapped his arm around her and tried to comfort her worries. They had arrived in Sacor City three days ago to find that the whole of the city was gripped in a fast spreading fever. To their horror they found that the fever had even spread into the castle, and the king now lay in his sick bed. The menders would not venture whether he could recover. For two days he had been asking for Karigan and his children, but in his fever induced delirium he could not grasp that they were away from home. Estora's greatest fear was that he would pass into Westrion's keeping before Karigan had the chance to say her good byes. For now Estora and Xandis could only sit and wait and remember different times.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (start flashback)

King Zachary had kept his word. He arranged to have her attend court business with him, so she would not be out of her element when she was queen. The problem was that it didn't stop her from being out of her element now.

"You see, Excellency, we hope to expand Sacoridian trade into the East this spring, but the Cathay government requires that these documents be signed by our sovereign before we may enter their ports." A rather rotund merchant concluded his proposal as he stood before the king, Lady Estora and Rider Sir Karigan G'ladheon. Such a request seemed straight forward enough. Sacoridian merchants were always trying to make inroads into Cathay trade. Cathay was the source of superior silks and spices, but they wanted little from Sacoridia or Rhovanny. If the decision was Estora's alone she would grant the signatures, but she saw Karigan frowning.

Zachary answered the merchant simply, "Thank you Master Conic. You will have your answer by this evening." The merchant bowed at the dismissal and quickly left the room. After the door to Zachary's private study closed, the king turned to Lady Estora.

"What do you think?" He had been asking her opinion after many of the audiences, although it was always with an air of a teacher testing a pupil. Soon she would no longer be an apprentice monarch, and when that happened these decisions would fall to her too. He was, understandably, eager to asses her skill, but Estora only wished she could read how well she was doing in his eyes.

"I see no reason to deny him, sire," Lady Estora answered. Zachary's mask stayed firmly in place.

"What of his manner? What is not suspicious?" He asked.

"He certainly seemed eager, but I am sure he has a great deal of money set into this venture already."

"Perhaps," Zachary responded. "Karigan, do you have anything to contribute?"

Karigan looked like she would soon burst with whatever sour news she had to impart. "Yes, sire. Master Conic should not be allowed permission to enter Cathay under the Crown's blessing. His clan has extensive interest in opium."

"But opium is a medicine. Why is that a problem?" Estora asked.

"Many of the poorest people in Cathay are addicted to the substance, Estora. If I sign his papers and he sells opium, it will reflect badly upon all of Sacoridia," Zachary answered.

Estora, not for the first time, cursed her sheltered life. She had been raised as a gentle court Lady. She knew how to respond to subtle insults disguised in pleasantries, how to read when some one was lying, but she knew nothing of the world outside the walls of nobility. Opium addiction, alcoholism, gambling away fortunes, perversion; such things were whispered by courtiers, but such rumors were not _allowed_ to reach her ears. All of her efforts to familiarize herself with the country had only proven her ignorance.

When she first entered her engagement, she was convinced she would be more than a gracious hostess, a warm bedmate and royal broodmare. Now she did not think she had the abilities to be anything more. What really scared her was that she knew Sacoridia was facing turbulent times. Sacoridia needed a queen like Karigan.

Karigan could read people just as well as any aristocrat, perhaps better. Her world experience went far beyond that of most people because of her travels as a Green Rider, and because of her adventures. Those adventures proved to Estora that Karigan was the superior match for Zachary when it came to pure mettle. Many admired Estora for standing up to Prince Amilton during the coup or for surviving her kidnapping, but she felt it was a paltry example of courage. Zachary and Karigan fought against Price Amilton. Karigan saved her from the kidnapping at the risk of her own life. That was the type of courage Sacoridia needed in its queen. And Sacoridia's queen needed to know when a merchant wanted to be nothing more than a dope peddler.

Cummings announced that the merchant was the last audience of the day. Estora bid farewell to her fiancé and her friend. She had an appointment to keep with mother, yet another afternoon of wedding plans. Zachary gave her a cursory nod as he turned to his papers and started to explain his orders for the dispatches Karigan would take. Sighing inwardly, Estora left the study.

Zachary was a good man. She did not, could not deny that, but he was not the man for her. Oh, he was everything the twittering girls who surrounded her could want in a man. He was handsome, kind, intelligent and thoughtful, but he had yet to properly court her. Her mother reassured her that when she was married and they had more time alone, he would likely woo her just as Estora's father had done. Such pieces of advice did little to ease Estora's mind. Even when they did have more time alone, she couldn't change that Zachary was more reserved than F'ryan. More and more she missed F'ryan's reckless charm and open warmth, his easy manners and easier smile.

With bittersweet memories of her lost love flitting through her mind, Estora returned to her family apartments for an afternoon of embroidering wedding linens with her mother and sisters. Nearly an hour into the work, she began to wonder just how binding the betrothal contract really was. Half an hour later, as she knotted off the petals of a rose, she was resolved to break the contract if she could.

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Estora, what are you doing?" the voice startled her out her concentration. She looked up to see her father standing in the doorway of his study. The candle he carried did little to chase away the shadows created by the still night.

"Why didn't you tell me about the king's conditions?" Estora asked her father.

"Because I didn't think you would ever need to invoke them. Now go to bed. It is very late." Lord Coutre ordered impatiently.

"No, I will not. I am too old to be sent to bed as a child." Estora stood from behind her father's desk, holding the contract and the notes she had made. "I have been reading this contract all night in the hope of finding something to break it."

"Estora, you cannot be serious," Lord Coutre exclaimed, "Surely you are not so foolish to break a contract so long in the making and of such importance for the standing of our family?"

"The standing of our family? Father, our family is already the strongest force in the Eastern provinces and therefore a force to be reckoned with throughout the nation. It is only because of that power you were able to get King Zachary to agree to this contract in the first place. Every addition he made is a possible way out. A man who truly wished to marry me would not make such changes. Surely you realized that?"

"Did the king do something to bring about this? What ever he has done to make you doubt his intentions, I will have him make amends."

"King Zachary has done nothing that needs to be censured. However, I have formed my resolve. I never wanted to be queen, and I do not wish to be married to a man I do not love."

"Love, you are too sentimental Estora. Love will come—"

"And if it doesn't? Father, I have loved. I still love a man you never would have allowed me to marry if he had lived. After experiencing that, I can't enter into a marriage without some affection. I don't have any tender feelings for the king, and Zachary doesn't love me either. In fact, I suspect he loves someone else." Estora took a deep breath before telling her father of her decision. With more steel in her voice then she felt in her heart, she continued, "I intend to challenge my betrothal contract on the grounds of coercion."

"Estora—"

"You won't change my mind. I am going to talk to Zachary in the morning."

It took just three weeks to fully dissolve the contract. Of course there were out cries, but nothing came of it. The contract break was mutual and legal with little that her father could really say about it. She silently thanked the gods that Sacoridian law and society differed from Rhovan in that a father could not compel his daughter into a marriage at any age.

Later, after the fervor had died down, Estora turned her attention to planning the rest of her life without reference to her family's desires. It was during this time that she started to spend more time with Xandis. In him she found a kind friend full of the reckless charm she so desperately missed. After a year of meetings around the castle, they decided to marry in a small ceremony that went virtually unnoticed due to the birth announcement of the king's first born.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSS (end flashback)

Fingers brushed across Estora's temple, bringing her out of her memories. _It's funny how things work out, _Estora thought as she gave a small smile to her husband. The past nineteen years were very happy ones for her and the king, just not in the way her father once intended. _I only hope I don't have to face Karigan with news that will surely devastate her. _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Warning: the imagery gets a little intense further into the chapter. Think of it as a Halloween present.

Chapter 4

Flickering shadows danced across the walls of the royal bedchamber. Three bell tolls sounded through the night as Karigan wrung out a cloth in the cool water of a porcelain basin. Zachary lay in a fitful sleep, murmuring something unintelligible.

Karigan had refused to allow her children into the room for fear of their contracting the fever no matter how much they pleaded to see their father. Now she kept a late night vigil. The menders felt there was nothing more they could do for their king--it was now up to his body to fight off the infection.

She bathed her lover's brow again. Abruptly she realized that the murmurings had stopped. Zachary's eyes were dark pools staring at her.

"Karigan," his voice was soft and raspy.

"Here, drink this," Karigan slipped a hand under his head and held a cup of water to his cracked lips. After a few sips he resettled into his pillows. His face was still flush, but his eyes were gaining more focus than they had held since her arrival.

"How long have you been sitting with me?"

"About two days. How do you feel?"

"That's a silly question to ask a sick person," Zachary said with good humor; his eyes drooping close. "You should get some sleep, Kari." Considering how his voice trailed, it was obvious that he was falling back into slumber. Nonetheless, he softly patted the bed space next to him.

Karigan had to smile a little at that. She suspected that many of the court would be surprised to find out that the king was a cuddler. Missing his presence after weeks away, she crawled into bed next to him. Although he looked like he was asleep, Zachary was conscious enough to wrap an arm around her as she rested her head on his heated shoulder. Soon, his breathing became deep and even. Karigan allowed herself to drift into an exhausted slumber with thoughts of the man beside her filling her head.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS(start flash back)

Darkness squeezed around her and condensed to fill her eyes, nose, ears--until she thought she would suffocate. _I will have you Galadheon. Nothing will stop me._ Distantly, she heard the sweet notes of the Rider's call and thundering hoof beats. Then she woke up gasping for air and covered in a cold sweet.

A cool spring breeze wafted into her bedchamber, making her shiver. Karigan reached for her dressing robe and wrapped the silk around her before rising to close the window. She gazed into the distance at Ullem Bay with its dancing bits of silver under the light of a full moon. In her belly she could feel her child stir in response to the sudden awakening.

The dreams were becoming more common. Almost every night her sleep would be disturbed by darkness. Lately, Mornhavon's voice intruded to make threats. She did not doubt that it meant the timeline had caught up with him, and he was back. It was also becoming increasingly obvious that she was being lured to Blackveil and that she had little choice in going. The constant buzz of hoof beats and the Rider's call that always stayed with her after the dreams convinced her of that.

With a sudden conviction common to Rider's, Karigan started packing. She retrieved her saber and extra uniforms from the back of her wardrobe. In the weak light of a candle she quickly dressed in Rider green. To her dismay she found that she could no longer fasten the jacket closed. Although the pants still fit well enough since, as Aunt Stace dryly noted, she was carrying high. The last things she took from her room were the caped great coat and her old bedroll.

In the kitchen she packed some basic road supplies and took the time to pen a quick note to her family. With a heavy sigh she took a last look around one of her favorite rooms in the house. It was in the kitchen that the G'ladheons often gathered for breakfast to chat with each other and the servants, many of whom had been with the family since she was born. Now dawn's first light was finding its way into the room. It was all bare counters and empty places at the table. There was nothing to suggest the bustle that would be happening here in just an hour. It was oddly lonely.

Karigan picked up her belongings and made her way out to the stables before her thoughts turned too melancholy. Condor was contently dozing in his stall when she began to saddle him. He gave out an annoyed whicker and butted his nose against her chest.

"I know it's early, but it can't be helped. Unless you want to help me explain this to everyone?" Karigan whispered back to him. However, she did not get the reprieve from explanations that she had been hoping for. Stevic's voice came from the entrance of the stables as he took in the sight of his daughter in uniform and tacking Condor.

"Kari, what are you doing?"

Karigan silently cursed her luck that her father would be up earlier than usual. She answered him simply, "I think it would be better if you didn't know."

"You're in no condition to be running around the country." Karigan paused for a moment as worry flitted across her mind. She could only have confidence that her baby would be safe within the protection of her womb.

"I have to go anyway. Too much rides on this." Karigan cinched the last of her saddle bags. As she mounted up she decided to give her father a last parting thought. "I'm sorry. I know you'll worry, but I don't have a choice in this. At least no other choice I could live with." Condor leapt forward at Karigan's nudge. Stevic was left standing in the stable yard yelling his daughter's name.

After two weeks on the road, Karigan arrived at Wall. The dreams hadn't stopped. If anything they were more vivid, more complex as she drew closer to the source.

"Karigan?" a flummoxed Alton exclaimed upon seeing the new arrival to his camp. "What are you doing here?" His eyes quickly registered her rounded belly. "And what…?" he trailed off motioning at her midsection with wide eyes.

"Hello, Alton. I think we need somewhere to talk."

"Of course, of course. My tent is right over there." Karigan passed off Condor to a passing servant before following Alton to the tent. Passing through the flaps Karigan took a seat and quickly got to the business at hand.

"Has there been anything strange happening in Blackveil?" she asked.

"Well, Blackveil his hardly a normal place, but I haven't noticed anything new," Alton stated as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Karigan, what is going on?"

"Dreams and visions. I feel that I am supposed to be here." Alton just looked at her blankly. "I'm sorry, that doesn't make much sense, but it is the best I can do right now."

"I suppose I'll have to be satisfied with that. But you have rarely been easy to figure out." For a silent moment, Alton debated with himself over the tact involved in bringing up the obvious. In the end he decided tact had little place between friends.

"Um, Karigan…Who's the father?" Karigan was silent for a moment as her eyes fell to the ground.

"I would rather not say. In fact, I would prefer if you didn't mention the baby to anyone."

"Why would you want to keep this a secret? Or better yet, how do you really expect to keep a baby secret?"

Karigan wrapped her arms around the gently swelling of her belly and answered with all the confidence and all the uncertainty she had been feeling, "I don't know how, but I just know it's best everyone if as few people as possible know about the baby. Can you respect my decision in this?"

"Yes, although I don't pretend to understand it."

"That's alright. Now about Blackveil…"

xxxxxxxx

Karigan went into the dark forest the next morning. Unsure of what she could be facing, she was wary and ready for most anything. She rode all day down the remnants of forgotten roads. Dark creatures watched her from their burrows, but were kept at bay for now.

At sunset, Karigan came to realize that she would need a place to camp for the night. She decided to stay on the road and built a strong fire. Unfortunately it smoked heavily from the greasy Blackveil wood. Nervous over the rustling of the creatures coming closer to the camp, Karigan unpacked the shard so moonstone at the bottom of her pack.

When she first packed, she hadn't known what possessed her to bring the small shards of crystal with her. Now it seemed that, although the moonbeam was gone, the shards still held some magic. When she revealed the small pieces to the rising moon, they shimmered and the dark creatures withdrew.

"Moonstone, a rare artifact these days." Karigan whirled to face the voice from the darkness. Al old woman stood calmly before her. She looked kind and matronly at first glance. It was when Karigan looked into the woman's eyes that a cold shiver went down her spine. Karigan drew her sword.

"Who are you?"

"My people call me Grandmother. You must be the Galadheon our Master told us would be coming. It is time that you face the crimes of your line." Karigan slipped the moonstone shards into her pocket and stood ready to fight.

"That bit of steel won't help you Galadheon." Grandmother raised her hands and an army of ghosts appeared. They were like twilight on the eve of a great storm made tangible—all darkness and roiling anger. At Grandmother's command they rushed forward and engulfed Karigan. She felt like she was drowning in nothingness. Despite her struggle, she quickly succumbed to the dark power pressing in on her.

xxxxxx

"Wake up Galadheon," a silky voice whispered in her ear as she fought her way to consciousness. When she opened her eyes she looked up into the darkly handsome face of the man crouched in front of where she was seated on the ground, against a tent pole. She shifted and felt the searing pain of her bonds.

"Don't try to struggle. You belong to me now."

"I belong to no one," Karigan snarled as she continued to pull at the fire binding her. A deep chuckle penetrated her as he bent closer.

"Your spirit will serve me well. You see, I have special plans for you—and your baby."

"No. Never. I will never—"

"Yes, you will. You have no choice. Soon my most faithful servant will finish her preparations. It will finally give me a true body again instead of this false one of yarn and clay. And you will fuel the body, soul and magic needed to complete a very specialized spell. The child within you can only help to fuel the longevity of the body."

"You're Mornhavon, aren't you?" Karigan asked through her dawning horror.

"Yes, I am. Just as you are the descendent of my dear friend, who stayed by my side, who was my confidant," Mornhavon paused and Karigan watched his eyes fill with rage. He reached out a hand and grasped her throat, "And he is the reason I lost to such pathetic adversaries as the barbarian clansmen and their Rider mages. I will have my revenge. The souls of those who once served me have been awakened and will be my army. I will lead them across your land and slaughter all that stands in my path until your meadows run crimson with the blood of the Sacor Clans. Then I will build the empire I was always destined to rule."

Mornhavon abruptly released his grip as Karigan's vision began to cloud. It quickly cleared as she gasped for air through a swelling throat. Her mind was racing as she tried to think of a plan to stop the evil that stood before her, but it seemed truly hopeless.

"Master, the spell is ready," Grandmother announced.

"Excellent, proceed," Grandmother approached Karigan with a cast iron basin, filled with some rank liquid. She carried a bundle of several mottled herbs and a knife of black glass. She walked behind Karigan and undid the bonds of her wrists. Two large and solemn men, that Karigan hadn't previously noticed, came forward to clamp down on her shoulders. She wasn't going anywhere. One of the men grabbed her am and forcibly presented to Grandmother. With more gentleness than the moment deserved she cradled Karigan's arm and with great care sliced the flesh of her wrist to the bone.

Blood pumped form the wound over the herbs. Grandmother added these to the potion, and then turned back to Karigan's wrist to remove flesh.

"There dearie, I only need a bit, and then it will be done. My grand Master will have his right and Second Empire will rise to serve him."

The potion roiled and bubbled as she chanted foreign words over it while weaving a complex knot out of fine crimson yarn. Karigan began to feel light headed and weak as her life's fluid left her body. Distantly, she heard the chanting stop and Grandmother instructing her Master to drink. As he did, Karigan could feel threads forming between her body and Mornhavon. The threads thickened and snaked around and through her. Then a wrenching pain began and grew as her soul began to rip apart.

_No, no, no, no…,_ Karigan kept chanting in her mind. She could feel the pain increase and then she felt her baby twisting in shared agony.

"I won't let you," with a push of will and her unique power, the pain stopped. All went silent. She opened her eyes to find herself whole and facing a dark wraith in the world of white. It was almost human in shaped but not in substance. It was like bottled ink spilled into a murky pond with two points of piercing red where eyes should have been.

Karigan was prepared to fight and squared off. Then she saw a great stallion beside her. Salvistar kneeled, and she did not hesitate to climb upon him. She felt herself change; become the Avatar.

In a voice that was not hers she faced Mornhavon and said, "You have escaped me long enough." A black lance appeared in her hand and she charged the twisted soul of Mornhavon. The lance pierced through him and Karigan-Westrion continued to gallop across the white plain until the gates of hell opened before them. Karigan-Westrion leapt through the gates and delivered Mornhavon to the depth, where he belonged.

"Never will you influence the mortal world again," Karigan-Westrion said. The iron doors of Mornhavon's prison closed, and Karigan-Westrion turned back for the in between world of white. As Salvistar crossed the boundary, Karigan felt she was alone in her body again, but she was impossibly weary. She slid off Salvistar's back and onto soft grasses. Drowsily she saw a velvet sky above her with perfect jewels sparkling back at her. She drifted off into oblivion as her hands cradled her baby, and she prayed to the watching gods that he was safe within her womb.

xxxxxxxx

Cool water touched her parched lips. Her bruised throat protested the invasion just as it welcomed the soothing presence of the drink.

"Easy Galadheon. You'll be just fine." Karigan opened her eyes to find an Eletian standing over her.

"Where am I?" she scratched out.

"On the edges of Blackveil, by the Wall. We came when out prince had a vision of you here and in need of assistance. Members of Second Empire were caught by your guards at the Wall, and amazingly the forest seems to be breathing easier since you completed whatever it is that you did. We have tended to your wounds. The healer says you will have full use of your hand again since she was able to tend to it as a fresh injury."

"Karigan simply nodded and allowed herself to return to sleep. She felt sage with the Eletains—even if this one did babble.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS(end flash back)

Karigan woke from her dreams of the past to find that Zachary was soaked in a cold sweat. She put her hand on his forehead and found it to be cool—his fever had broken during the night. She silently thanked the gods and held his sleeping form closer as dawn crept into the royal bedchamber.

AN: yep finally here. I should be studying for a quiz, but I'm feeling pretty prepared for it and this has been sitting in my notebook too long. Enjoy.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Zachary slept peacefully late into the afternoon. He awoke when the slanted golden light of the setting sun crossed his eyes. Blurrily he realized Kally was sitting beside his bed reading a new book of poetry. She didn't seem to realize that he was awake yet, so he took a moment to examine her. She wore a simple old cotton dress that she always favored when she wasn't going to be seen outside the royal apartments. Her dark golden hair was left down and tumbled over her shoulder in waves. With some amusement, Zachary saw that she was biting her bottom lip as she concentrated on some tricky passage—just like her mother.

With a pang he couldn't quite describe Zachary contemplated the fact that she was nearly grown. Gods, Karigan was only a year older than Kally when the coup happened—when a school girl saved the nation and captured the heart of a king. It wouldn't be much longer before their daughter charmed some young man into falling in love with her too.

In fact Zachary was quite sure half the men in the castle pined over her beauty from a distance. He was thankful that her status as the king's daughter kept most of them at bay. No, the right man would not be paralyzed by her birth or blinded by her lantern smile.

"Dad! You're awake. Can I get you anything? A drink of water?" Zachary nodded and accepted the drink.

"What time is it?"

"Just past six bells. I'm going to get Mom and everyone. They will want to know you're awake." Kally rushed out the room on her errand. Zachary pushed himself up in bed, his muscles protesting movement after so long being immobile. He looked around the room and noticed Karigan's things had returned to their customary places in the room.

He smiled in contentment and marveled at his life. It seemed that his sickness had left him contemplative because he couldn't help but remember a time when he never thought he would have Karigan at his side or their children in his life.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSflashbackSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSflashbackSSSSSSSSSSflashbackSSSS

Zachary stared out his study window. The sky was steely over the tree line and threatened an early autumn storm. It had been nearly nine months since he had last seen Karigan—since the night when he had startled the doe. He was still holding out hope that she would return when she was ready, but the hope was diminishing as the seasons passed.

He knew she had returned briefly to speak with the captain. As of yet he didn't have the courage to ask Laren what was said, or how long Karigan planned to be gone. The only consolation was that if Karigan wished to leave the Riders completely she would have to return to relinquish the title.

"Sire?" a voice questioned from the door.

"Yes."

"Rider Lord Alton D'Yer here to report, Sire."

"Send him in, Luke." Alton walked in and gave a proper bow before beginning his presentation. He reported the recent events at the Wall, including Karigan's and the Eletians' presence. Zachary listened with rapt attention as Alton described what he knew of the events within Blackveil.

"And then most of the Eletians took their leave with promises of monitoring the magic flowing from Blackveil. They feel that with Mornhavon's presence gone the forest can be cleansed. Several of their mages stayed behind to begin the process." Alton continued, "These past few months have been remarkably quiet at the Wall. There has been some revival of the forest. The trees are turning green again.

"Members of Second Empire were sent to the castle to face your questioning, Sire. I assume they have arrived." Zachary nodded.

"And Karigan? When will she be returning to make report?" Zachary hoped he managed to keep any eagerness out of his voice.

Alton hesitated and seemed to struggle with something. "She was intent on going straight home to Corsa, Sire." Zachary felt his heart drop. _Was she so intent on avoiding him?_

"Was she well enough to travel?"

"After she recovered in camp for a few weeks, yes." Zachary watched something pass over Alton's face again. He wondered what he kept thinking.

"Alton, is there something you are not telling me? About Karigan?"

"She asked me not to say anything, between friends, but it's not a promise. I've heard some of the talk in barracks about her abrupt departure. I don't pretend to know what is going on, but I think Karigan might need some help."

"Go on."

"When I last saw Karigan, she was noticeably pregnant." Zachary froze as he let the king's mask fall into place. Silence rang through the room for an extended moment, before Alton continued, "She doesn't want anyone to know about the baby, and wouldn't tell me who the father is when I asked. I think she might need some reassurance that she still has a home with the Riders and that she always will."

"Thank you Alton. Is that all you have to report?"

"Yes," Alton was a little flummoxed by the king's abruptness.

"Then you are free to return to your duties."

"Good day, Sire." Alton bowed and left. Zachary was left to sit in stunned silence. _Pregnant? I'm going to be a father, only she doesn't want me to know._ He sat and thought about what to do next. A part of him—a big part—wanted to ride hard and fast to Corsa, to bang down the door of her father's house and demand he be allowed to see Karigan. Another part of him feared rejection; feared that the reason she hadn't told him about the baby was because she really was lost to him.

It didn't take much deliberation to decide. He stood and headed straight for his chambers. "Samel, where are you? Samel."

"Yes, Sire?" his valet answered him.

"Pack me a light bag for the road. I'm leaving as soon as possible."

"Of course," Samel went to the king's dressing room to pack. Zachary followed to gather riding clothes and a few other personal items. Word was already given to ready a horse for him, and to cancel his appointments for the next month.

SSSSSSSS

It was late when he saw the lit windows of the G'ladheon home on the bluff. He was rather surprised to find that the house was still awake, but was happy he wouldn't be waking anyone with his arrival.

With Fastion trailing silently behind him, Zachary pounded on the solid oak door with his fist. A harried looking maid answered the door.

"I'm here to see Karigan G'ladheon."

"Sorry, sir she isn't receiving any callers."

"I don't care. I'm here to see your mistress, and I will see her." Zachary pushed at the door and easily made his way into the hallway.

"Sir, sir, you can't—"

"Where is she?"

"What is going on here?" A new voice bellowed. Zachary turned to see Stevic G'ladheon standing at the top of the stairs.

"I'm here to see Karigan."

"It is not exactly proper calling hours."

"I don't care. I—"

"I do care. Besides she's in no condition to be receiving visitors. Please leave." Before Zachary could respond, he heard an infant's wail from the upstairs bedrooms. His eyes widened and rushed forward and up the stairs. Stevic tried to stop him, but to no avail. Following the sound of the cries, Zachary found himself outside an ornately carved door just as the baby began to settle.

"Just who do you think you are?" an enraged Stevic demanded as he reached Zachary. Zachary barely spared him a glance before slipping into the bedroom and slamming the door shut. He turned the lock as he took in the image of Karigan propped by an array of pillows on a great canopy bed. Her plain night shift was unbuttoned and one side pulled aside to allow the baby in her arms to nurse. When Karigan saw the direction of his stare, she seemed to overcome her shock and pulled her shawl over herself and the baby, obscuring his view. At first they simply continued to stare at each other in silence as the noise in the hall grew louder.

"Well—," Zachary began, but stopped. Karigan answered him with a questioning look. An explosive sigh came from Zachary, "By the gods, I don't know where to begin," he took a deep breath and asked, "Can I hold the baby?"

Karigan answered calmly, "When he's done with his meal."

"Oh, of course. He? It's a boy then?" Karigan nodded. "A boy. I have a son," Zachary was nearly breathless. Karigan simple nodded again. "When was he born?"

"Last night." Zachary deflated a little.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

"That is hardly your fault. How did you find out?"

"Alton."

"Alton? I asked him not to say anything," it was a statement without anger. Zacahry nodded.

"He thought you were afraid of facing the Riders with the baby, and though I could help you come back. Will you come back, Kari? I still want you at my side as queen."

Karigan let out a harsh laugh. "I'm sure that will go well. You show up before your governors with a commoner and her bastard child. No, I would rather he live as a merchant here. It won't be perfect, but it's the best I can do to protect him from whatever gossip and plots your courtiers can dream up against him." Karigan looked down at her son and gently shifted him to her other breast.

"I would give him the protection of my name. He will be recognized as a Hillander." Karigan was silent to this. She simply didn't believe it would be enough. The silence was interrupted by a loud thump on the door. Zachary and Karigan realized that the commotion of Zachary's arrival had been subdued somewhat during their discussion.

"Karigan, are you alright in there? Has that brigand done anything?" Stevic shouted through the door.

"I'm fine, Father. Just leave us be for a while longer. I'll explain later," Karigan shouted back. An unhappy acknowledgement was made and a shuttle of feet moving away was heard. Karigan and Zachary sat in awkward silence—neither sure where to take the conversation next.

Zachary knew pushing the subject of her return was unwise at the moment, and Karigan was having trouble facing Zachary now that he knew why she had stayed away. A million times scenarios of how she might tell him about the baby had flashed through her head—every time she doubted the decision she had made. Now he stood before her and every justification for her running, for her secrets seemed cowardly and weak. He was her son's father, and he deserved to know his son.

She let out a sigh and detached the baby from her breast. He made a drowsy grunt of protest as she rearranged herself, but was otherwise content to be finished. With on hand supporting his chest and neck, Karigan sat him up and began to rub his back like the midwife had showed her. It didn't take long for the gas bubbles to escape.

Zachary watched all of this raptly. The woman he loved was so gently caring for _their _son.

"You can hold him now," Karigan said. Zachary slowly approached the bed and took the warm bundle from her arms. His son had his eyes closed in sleepy oblivion. Zachary examined every soft feature looking for pieces of his family. He was quickly convinced that the cupid bow mouth was exactly like his mother's, and that there were hints of a strong bone structure that was certainly Hillander.

"He's amazing Kari," Zachary said after some time seated in silence. He looked up to see Karigan looking at him with a soft smile and a glitter in her eyes. Before he could think better of it, he leaned forward and gently kissed her lips. To his delight, she responded to him with equal feeling. Pounding on the door interrupted the moment.

"Karigan, it has been long enough. Open the door and explain this mess."

"Yes, Father," Karigan retrieved a dressing robe from beside the bed and shrugged it over her shoulders.

Concerned, Zachary asked, "Should you be up so soon?"

"The midwife said I should move about as much as I was up to actually." Seeing Zachary's doubt, she added, "Really, I'm fine, just sore. There was nothing out of the ordinary when I birthed. We should go talk with my family. I'm sure it has been a very interesting night for them." Karigan took his hand and led him towards the door.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSS end flashback SSSSSSSSS end flashback SSSSSSSSSSSSS

It had taken some time to settle the family and explain everything. Stevic was quite ready and willing to take a chance against the Weapons, but Karigan helped to keep tempers in control. Zachary stayed at the G'ladheon manse for three weeks. During that time he enjoyed spending time with his new son and managed to convince Karigan to return to the castle when she was able. Karigan was right about the less than warm reception, but the nobles had little say in the matter. They could prevent a marriage, but they could not prevent him from naming his son as heir. Fortunately, Sacoridian law and tradition did not require legitimacy, only acknowledgement. Now he was surrounded by his family and felt very blessed. He could only wish for a dozen lifetimes more of the same.

THE END


End file.
